What is AA-a-Go-Go all about?
What is AA-a-Go-Go all about?
fair question. Mostly me ranting. Ranting, Blogging, potato, Pohtottoe………
AA screwed me out of living a life worth living. Sold me a bill of goods, aka the Twelve Steps.
The fellowship lied to me and stole all of my 30s and most of my 40s from me.
And this is where I will bitch about it. Rant about it. Whine about. …………or in internet terms, blog about it.
But not just complain about Alcoholics Anonymous, or about the Fellowship or the Twelve Steps. Just complaining will get old fast; even I, the guy ranting, knows that. So in addition to ranting, I will do my best to also EDUCATE you about How It Works. The REAL way AA works.
Despite what the Big Book and The Fellowship Of Alcoholics Anonymous will tell you, AA is NOT for all Alcoholics. Sure The Big Book and AA says right up front “we are not for everyone.” However AA does a great job of selling that the TWELVE STEP PROGRAM is for ALL alcoholics. And, that my friends, is bullshit.
While the fellowship and the meetings might be what a practicing alcoholic needs, the AA 12 step program is a whole other topic. For some, or perhaps even many alcoholics, the 12 step program will ruin your life. The 12 step program has certainly ruined my life. And hence this blog.
The goal of this blog is to share with you my experience, strength and hope of the last 16 years in my sober life.
The detractors will come out of the woodwork to trash my blog, to condemn my postings, to critique my opinions and refute my statements of facts. I welcome such posters, especially those posters who are or were in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. In fact any member of a 12 step program fellowship can post here to post their opposing opinions.
And of course if you agree with me, and have your own tale of woe to share, by all means please share your thoughts with us too.
In closing, let me give all 12 steppers this sincere warning:
My ’sobriety resume’ is likely going to dwarf what you have. It will likely surpass your sponsor’s as well. MOST, and I do mean MOST, of the fellowship has NOT performed the years of service I have in my sober life. And I have worked ALL of the steps. I have included DAILY PRAYER in almost half of my 16 years of sobriety; 8 consecutive years of daily on my knees praying. If you decide to post opposing opinions here, be warned now that you are not going to debate some guy who just attends the meetings but didn’t do the work. I did the work and the service.
And my conclusion is that the fellowship of AA and the 12 step program screwed me.
Sincerely
Harry A.
sobriety date 12/07/89
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May 24th, 2006 @ 9:56 am
I just wanted to say that I’m so greatful for this sight! I have not been in “the Programm” but lost my fiance to their bullshit. We were together for a year and I supported him thru all of his steps, however, I never became a memeber. I am what is considered a “normie” and his sponser and AA brothers/sisters said that he would never succeed in the programm if he continued to stay with me. It came to the point where I gave up my occasional glass of wine ( a couple of times a month with dinner) and it still wasn’t good enough. At one point his sponser told him, “what the fuck are you thinking, are you stupid”? He came home and told me although he loved me that his programm was number 1 and he was willing to give up everything to stay sober. I respected his wishes and let him go. He now is couch surfing and is strugling because of these freaks! I can’t believe this programm has such a reputable name and is refereed to so many. I hope that all of us that have been affected by this group of liars can spread the word about this horrible scam. Thanks for all how read this and to Harry!
May 24th, 2006 @ 9:12 pm
Thank you very much for your kind words. I only wish I would spend more time getting even more of my story out on the blog. I will have to make more effort since I now seem to have so many readers and even a few brave souls who would comment.
You have my full sympathy for how the Dogma convinced your guy he had to leave you. I’ve seen that many many times. Though you might not feel it could be, it might have been worse. More than what happen to you, I have WITNESSED countless times how the spouse or significant other, as a new comer, is suduced by another member of AA.
anyway thanks for your kind wishes.
Harry A
May 28th, 2006 @ 1:31 am
Annabelle,
I have been there and suffered the same and more.
My X was screwed up as most of us were when we first arrive at the rooms of AA, But it took some time for me to see how much more she was than most, and then she became involved with a “double winner” that started her on a feminist trail, showed her how to manipulate a relationship, and taught to run and become needy on the women that would now rule my home thru her. It became a true disaster that carried on for many years.
During that time she was taught to lie to get her way, made to believe she was entitled to anything without working for it or deserving it, and learned to point the finger at me moreso than at the start as to the reason for all her problems in life. And the irony is, I was also supposed to make good all her past financial 9th Step responsibilities because WE got pregnant.
Now is that what AA is? Or is that what AA has become. According to, Bill W. , it must have been OK. Look how he justified his cheating on his wife. Well that was only down the road for me from her, and Okayed and assisted by her friends in AA.
June 30th, 2006 @ 5:32 am
I should start by saying that I’m in my 50s and have nearly 6 years sober, after a couple false starts. I hated AA, sometimes I hate it even now, but it provided me then, as now, a support system of like-minded people who were trying to make a positive change in their own lives. A lot of what I hear in meetings is the convenient shifting of responsibility and blame away from ourselves and to the “disease.” And that works for some people, but it doesn’t get your life back on track.
I also work with the chronically homeless and mentally ill population here, a good many of whom are what we call “dually dignosed.” They seem to gravitate to me because they know I am “in recovery” but mostly because they know I will not judge them or make sobriety a prerequisite for my helping them. A lot of them are court-ordered into 12-stepping, which almost never seems to work, but it may have prevented a few untimely deaths along the way. In any case, I try to make the argument that AA is not the ONLY way to go, but that they have to make the decision themselves of what and how and when they are going to deal with it. In mental health circles, and for the purpose of getting government benefits, sobriety is a condition of getting assistance. I just try to let them know that I’ve been there, and I’ll do whatever it takes to help them find help, if and when they are ready.
AA supplies us with a new identity- that of a sober person. The group supports that new identity until we can come to accept it for ourselves. Some of us never make that leap, and a meeting fills the need of support nearly 24 hours a day in most large cities. Maybe we need a new generation of post-recovery support groups that employ a cognitive behavior modification model or something.
The employment thing is something else. Everyone loves that you are in recovery, but no one wants to pay you more than $10 ever again. At meetings you hear how “blessed” people are to actually have their very first job, working as the night janitor at the local Der Wienerschnitzel…The few “success” (my value-loaded judgement) stories I hear are people who have gone into real estate or who married well and became wealthy widowers. OK so that’s an overstatement. Maybe my standards are different because I had been used to being surrounded by very high achievers, which manifested itself in authority and property and personal wealth and priveledge. It is frustrating, then, to see far less intelligent and less educated people in positions of authority who seem to gloat that they have the power to keep the old drunks humble. AA groups also tend to support the humility angle, which breeds complacency and nourishes underachievement. Keep it simple; God forbid you should actually achieve something on your own. That would be arrogant!
So what’s that point? I think we need a new model, and we need to get the seal of approval from academia (medical) and government sources, including the courts. AA doesn’t have nearly the success rate it claims, and NA is even worse. But to replace it will take something brilliant and simple. And I think this blog of yours is just the place to start working on it. Keep it up. I plan to make it part of my daily reading.
Scout in San Diego
September 18th, 2006 @ 10:28 am
Hmmmm….While it is true that AA is not for everyone, it works quite well for others. I have to say that I started out in AA, going to meetings, getting a sponsor….la lad de de da…..etc. The program itself, will not work unless you REALLY want to quit. That is the big difference. The “want” to quit. Once you have put your mind to it….and quit dilly dallying around, then quitting drinking can be obtained even without AA.
After several years without drinking, you learn not to depend on the booze to get you through the day. Nowhere in the Big Book does it say….go to meetings, or get a sponsor…..but it does mention on page 100 I believe about being recovered….yes recovered! Based on a spiritual condition I believe.
So this is what I have to say……its not the program of AA that keeps you sober….its your spiritual condition….at least it is for me. As far as AA goes, I will not go as far to say it ruined my life….or stole my life…..I never gave it that much power over me. I found a spiritual bases on which I work “my” daily life around. Does it have some AA ideals….sure it does….there is plenty of good stuff in the Big Book to implement into your life…..The saying goes “Keep what you need, and throw the rest away.”…..very simple. Some are so damaged that they need more of the program and more of its support than I did, and that is OK also. Others left AA and got sober through a church….I say that is kewl also. Yet others have just quit cold turkey…..Kudo’s to everyone who has quit drinking.
I still know many others who have died because of drinking…..or other addictions…..and it seems that absolutley nothing would work for them. Another saying goes “some must die so others may live.” I believe this means that if we look close enough we can see the same outcome for us, and we need to take heed, and find something that will work.
Now a message to the publisher of this blog.
I have ten wonderful years sober, and have aquired a BA degree in Psych./Soc. during this time. I have worked in a treatment center for the last 2 1/2 years, so I do not believe that you are going to “dwarf” what I have. What I have is completley different than you…..not better, nor any worse. AA did not steal or ruin your life. You gave to it of your own free will, and have come out the other end seemingly a very mad and distrustful person. when you came into AA I am sure you were screaming….Alcohol ruined my life!…..now you yell….. Alcoholics Anonymous has ruined your life! All I see here is someone who wants to remain a victim, and place the blame of what you view as terrible happenings, on everyone else but your self. Just remember….without AA…..you would have nothing to base what you believe to be true today, and thus…..your blog wouldnt be here. “everything happens for a reason”….remember??? Good luck to you and finding that inner peace that you seek.
September 18th, 2006 @ 11:22 am
Well this is not unique. in fact it is a requirement of being a successful speaker. You need this sort of accomplishment to be asked to speak. Well You need that accomplishment AND you must say its due to AA.
Actually You loose points for that. You have ten plus years in the program and you dont know the difference between a paid job and working the phone lines or chairing panels for H & I ? Yes, I am SURE I dwarf what you have in service work. Looking at what you think would think is service work, I will assume I dwarf your sponsor as well.
Sure, if you think the rehab center telling the guy 4 days into his detoxing cocaine and alcohol that he HAS to do the 12 step program or he will die, being of my own free will. If you can say that the AA meetings telling newcomer Harry that there are only two choices for me - AA or death. Yes, then you could say I was of my own free will.
But I on the other hand look at that as the rehad center and the AA meetings taking advantage of an individual in a weakened mental state.
Again, you are wrong. I never ever was one of those who claimed any such thing. From the beginning, I shared that alcohol and drugs gave me a life in the first place and that now I cant even use them any more to be happy, so I have to be in AA. Yes I was a very good speaker and sharer in selling the AA program back in my holy days.
Nice try, but you are about the 100th person to send me that sentiment in comments and emails. had you the ability to read more before commenting, you would have seen that I accept my share of the blame. And as for “being a victim” - you can shove the con up your ass sideways redstate boy. That “victim” trick is exposed. That is the 12 steppers word for “liberal”. As in, I am a GOP and I hate what you say so you are a Liberal.
Really?? Gee that wouldnt have been a recent posting of mine would it? Oh thats right, you havent READ my blog, so you wouldnt know. Well read some more.
Inner Peace? No I am seeking a million dollars cash. I live in America, its 2006, that means mass amounts of money needed. God is for the idiots praying to the GOP. I am seeking what has always worked, money.
January 4th, 2007 @ 10:32 am
I too was in AA for 16 years in Australia; I’ve been abstinent from alcohol since Sept. 2, 1987. I was introduced to AA in Sept. 1987 while in an AA-based rehab (my one and only hospitalization for alcoholism) and had my last meeting at AA on Christmas Day 2003.
My life changed dramatically for the better after leaving AA and I still maintain this is the best course of action I could have ever taken. AA stopped working for me very early in the piece and it began doing more harm than good after about the first 3 or so years. However, I persisted with it because I didn’t know any better and in the vain hope that it would start working for me as it had in the first 2 or 3 years. I conjecture that I could and would have stopped drinking on my own had I not been introduced to AA but I stress that is only conjecture, and of academic interest at this stage.
Good luck with your blog and I hope you can help others for whom AA is harmful escape AA before it ruins their lives.
February 21st, 2007 @ 1:22 pm
Keep the blog alive. It’s great.
What people in the fellowship seem to forget is that the Book was written by people who had been sober for 3 years or so. What about the guy who has been sober for 10 or 20 years? Where are his instructions?
Kindergarten is great for a 5-year-old. It’s sad for a 10-year-old and pathetic for a 20-year-old.
AA is kindergarten for life. Took me about 12 years of sobriety to figure that out.
Or stated another way: first you crawl, then you walk, then you run.
AA teaches you how to crawl and take those first few wobbly steps. But one CAN grow past that. If one wants, one can crawl forever.
I chose to walk. Now I walk briskly. Occasionally I run.
February 22nd, 2007 @ 12:19 am
yeah I think you got something there…..learn to crawl, learn to walk………and then RUN FOR YOUR LIFE and get away from the AA 12 steps as fast as you can……..
May 25th, 2007 @ 2:04 pm
Just wanted to introduce myself and say that I can relate to the message of this blog.
I have been sober for 5 years and 5 months, and began at A.A. when I was 28 years of age.
However, in the past 3 years or so, I have become increasingly uncomfortable with the A.A doctrine.
For example, the 12 step philosophy tell s me that I have a spiritual disease which is only remedied by adherenece to the 12 step philosophy.
I opine that I am not a spiritually sick person.
I believe that my alcoholism is a development which occured due to the repeated abuse and trauma which I experienced as a child and also as a result of the drinking culture which was prevelant in the community.
I believe that the 12 steps has a strong message of constantly looking for our faults as alcholics, there is nothing there about self-belief.
I dont want to have to hand my willpower over to a higher power every day.
I have survived some very difficult times in my life, including bone cancer.
Quite often, I have used my determination and will power to achieve and survive….yet my will power is under attack by A.A. Instead of my will, it is Gods will, but what if the “God as I understand him’ doesn’t actually exist, for me…
How can I truly be a member of A.A, if the most fundametal aspects of its philosophy are in confilct with mine?
Its great to be able to express myself here…unlike A.A… I welcome views which are similar or different to mine…
May 29th, 2007 @ 11:27 pm
Welcome to the blog! Feel free to comment away! and of course spread the word. Its an uphill battel getting my word out when there are so many AA holy folks doing their version of the WATCH TOWER!
June 18th, 2007 @ 12:50 pm
I hate AA!! I don’t even drink! But because of that shit I lost my love of 4 years. He was in treatment and 2 weeks into his program he decided that we could only be “friends” I’d rather deal with him drunk thank trying to tell me that he’s taking it “day by day.” I tried Al-Anon, but that was bullshit..I’m so pissed off and now I’m taking the blame for everything just so that this man and I can be friends..this is crazy…those of you who believe that this program works are involved in a cult..you are being brain washed..Look at me..I love this man and he is telling me that I will not know where he works and where he lives becuase he does not trust me to know his “sober” life..bullshit!!! I’m so glad that you made this site..if you didn’t I would of I have a lot of anger that I am working with but AA and REHAB and AL-ANON IS BULLSHIT>>>FUCK ALL OF THEM!!! I’m sorry I’m not trying to offend anyone but imagine someone not involved in your relationship telling your spouse that it’s time to break up..it’s not fair!!
January 10th, 2008 @ 5:55 pm
Harry,
Thank you Harry. I mean it, you see, my life was screwed up by AA as well. And is currently being attacked too! AA is a LIE! AA is A CULT! For two weeks i have been reading about the “otherside” of AA. No wonder i have been doing so good for the past year! It’s because i was right, you can quite on your own, you do it anyway…. So here i am sober from my drug of choice that is! and i have a good job, bills are being paid, amends to the good ol usa are being paid. (student loans). not to the IRS ha ha ha. Any the reason i joined this site is this. i believe there are reasons for the way people deal with things like stress, or whatever you want to call it. and those reasons are nowhere near what the Big Book has to offer. Ha ha ha ha and even now look i am so engrained into AA that i still type aa with caps and the big book with caps…. Like it was the effin BIBLE! WTF? how did these people get to this point? how does one find themselves? ARE THERE MORE OF US? can we help eachother really? I have questions… aa was used against me to enslave me, defraud me, when i was hurt i was told “that’s your disease talking” your not hurt your in “denial” you need a meeting. I’m sorry, but my ex-girlfriend from aa who is a vp of a bank TOOK three and a half month’s of donations from the meetings (she was th treasurer, what did aa do? ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING! I am the one in trouble right now. This woman with the help of her sponsor, and some friends in aa. Broke the LAW. And i am so not talking about, or worried about in anyway, losing a girlfriend. I am very concerned with the obvious way AA is being used as a predicate for predatory behavour. thank you for your blog and for having the guts to speak the truth! Later, Mars
August 10th, 2008 @ 12:47 pm
Gave AA a Sincere Trial.
I decided to get sober before I came into AA. I’d heard about AA for years from my brother who went in and out several times, and a friend who found sobriety and stayed sober for 13 years as of this year.
I figured WTF….I’d give it “my all”, after all I was a codependent alcoholic and that’s what we do!
Never being in therapy before and being a self-sufficient gal, I was also a happy introvert, but AA peaked my curiosity. If I had listened to all those pseudo-counselors that spewed dangerous rhetoric of therapeutic terminology
in the meetings I attended, I’d be worse off now, but
thankfully I went in with the knowledge that these people were just like me, innocent alcoholics that were doing what they thought was right in order to walk the sober path. I didn’t take anything anyone said too seriously and I listened…..and listened….and listened….for weeks….and weeks….and weeks…. to the same people, over and over and over. I began to spot inconsistencies in some, erratic behavior in others, honesty and sincerity in a few. Those who I began to trust, I befriended….one on one. Those who tried to boss me around and tell me what to do I immediately said “The only thing I have to do is to have a desire to stop drinking” It was like an invisible force shield that
made them go away!!!
I didn’t go to 90 meetings in 90 days - I work, for crying out loud and I need my alone time - I picked a few long term sobriety women to help me through the steps. Technically I choose not to have a “sponsor”.
I talked to different women and compared notes. I took on a few committments and that’s how I worked through resentments. I feel I have graduated from AA and am now ready to face the world without “needing” AA. It’s Ok to go to a meeting once in awhile, but I won’t go nuts, start drinking or be a dry drunk if I miss a week, or a month.
AA is a micro-cosm of society and in case anyone hasn’t been paying attention our society is ill!
I had to learn fast and steer clear of the drama, the gossip, the zealots and the control-freaks, prove to my group that I could do it and quietly exit, stage left.