Comments on: The Currency of AA http://aa-a-gogo.com/2006/07/22/the-currency-of-aa/ Learn how to survive Alcoholics Anonymous and the Twelve Step program. Using my 16 years of sobriety, this blog will teach you (1) who will benefit from working the 12 steps program and (2, more inportantly) who will get RUINED by working the 12 steps! I will teach you How to succeed in the 12 step Fellowship. Tue, 06 Jan 2009 13:33:56 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.1.3 By: PJ http://aa-a-gogo.com/2006/07/22/the-currency-of-aa/#comment-132 PJ Mon, 14 Aug 2006 22:21:12 +0000 http://aa-a-gogo.com/2006/07/22/the-currency-of-aa/#comment-132 A lot of this is dead on. Each group or area develops a certain culture. Often this culture is determined by the group "leaders" who sometimes subtley control the group through belittlement and ostracizing. The many desperately want to belong because we have so little self esteem when we first get sober. Eventually, some of us start to figure all this out. I was lucky enough to find a sponser who is sane. The few of us keep coming back and speaking our truth. We are as important as anyone, if not more so. I see itas a stage of evolution that many never get to acheive in AA and I want to be sure to stay there to help any others that want to make the next leap up. How does it help if we run away from AA? No. I refuse to. It's mine as much as anyone else's. I'm staring to enjoy saying the things that I know mess with people's heads. It is a somewhat lonlier place to be, but at least my friends now are really my friends. PJ A lot of this is dead on. Each group or area develops a certain culture. Often this culture is determined by the group “leaders” who sometimes subtley control the group through belittlement and ostracizing. The many desperately want to belong because we have so little self esteem when we first get sober. Eventually, some of us start to figure all this out. I was lucky enough to find a sponser who is sane. The few of us keep coming back and speaking our truth. We are as important as anyone, if not more so.
I see itas a stage of evolution that many never get to acheive in AA and I want to be sure to stay there to help any others that want to make the next leap up. How does it help if we run away from AA? No. I refuse to. It’s mine as much as anyone else’s. I’m staring to enjoy saying the things that I know mess with people’s heads. It is a somewhat lonlier place to be, but at least my friends now are really my friends.

PJ

]]> By: iplautus http://aa-a-gogo.com/2006/07/22/the-currency-of-aa/#comment-400 iplautus Sat, 06 Jan 2007 07:20:41 +0000 http://aa-a-gogo.com/2006/07/22/the-currency-of-aa/#comment-400 I have a flatmate who is in AA, and after he moved in I noticed some peculiarities about him. I initially chalked this up to the difficulties he was going through what his "recovery": i.e. he's trying to relate to the world and the people in it in a way that is entirely new to him, and still finding his feet, and that must be hard, etc. Also, I imagine it must be tempting, once one has taken to trouble to improve one's behaviour drastically in this way, to feel therefore entitled to praise and happiness and general acknowledgement that one is not quite as much of a dick as one used to be. Like a soldier who expects the Medal of Honor for showing up to roll call. In particular, my flatmate has a tendency toward near constant self-eulogisation. Almost daily--I'm not kidding--he finds a way to say things like "I'm a good guy. I help people." Cring-inducing things like that. While at first this was only embarrassing (for me, not for him of course), it has since become really irritating since it has become abundantly clear--as if declaring one's virtue didn't already indicate the absence of virtue--that he is demonstrably NOT a "good guy" or anything resembling one. In fact he's in the process of screwing me for hundreds of dollars, and literally claiming that it's the fault of MY lifestyle (i.e. not in AA, like him) that I can't afford to pay HIS rent. What you say about the currency of AA has been very enlightening. It seems to me that if a person were constantly involved in a place where the currency is as you describe (he goes to meetings every day), he would pretty quickly devolop the ludicrous and absolutely baseless high self-opinion my flatmate has, and embarrass and anger people with his constant demands for admiration. Did AA make him this way? Well, I take it you would say it did. I never knew him before AA (and I sure wish I didn't know him after it either). I suppose in his case it might just be that a drunk horse thief without the booze has resulted in a sober horse thief. I don't know. More practically, how on earth do I deal with someone like this, i.e. a real asshole who is daily being encouraged to continue being a real asshole? -Plautus. I have a flatmate who is in AA, and after he moved in I noticed some peculiarities about him. I initially chalked this up to the difficulties he was going through what his “recovery”: i.e. he’s trying to relate to the world and the people in it in a way that is entirely new to him, and still finding his feet, and that must be hard, etc. Also, I imagine it must be tempting, once one has taken to trouble to improve one’s behaviour drastically in this way, to feel therefore entitled to praise and happiness and general acknowledgement that one is not quite as much of a dick as one used to be. Like a soldier who expects the Medal of Honor for showing up to roll call.
In particular, my flatmate has a tendency toward near constant self-eulogisation. Almost daily–I’m not kidding–he finds a way to say things like “I’m a good guy. I help people.” Cring-inducing things like that. While at first this was only embarrassing (for me, not for him of course), it has since become really irritating since it has become abundantly clear–as if declaring one’s virtue didn’t already indicate the absence of virtue–that he is demonstrably NOT a “good guy” or anything resembling one. In fact he’s in the process of screwing me for hundreds of dollars, and literally claiming that it’s the fault of MY lifestyle (i.e. not in AA, like him) that I can’t afford to pay HIS rent.
What you say about the currency of AA has been very enlightening. It seems to me that if a person were constantly involved in a place where the currency is as you describe (he goes to meetings every day), he would pretty quickly devolop the ludicrous and absolutely baseless high self-opinion my flatmate has, and embarrass and anger people with his constant demands for admiration.
Did AA make him this way? Well, I take it you would say it did. I never knew him before AA (and I sure wish I didn’t know him after it either). I suppose in his case it might just be that a drunk horse thief without the booze has resulted in a sober horse thief. I don’t know. More practically, how on earth do I deal with someone like this, i.e. a real asshole who is daily being encouraged to continue being a real asshole?

-Plautus.

]]> By: Harry http://aa-a-gogo.com/2006/07/22/the-currency-of-aa/#comment-403 Harry Sun, 07 Jan 2007 07:27:52 +0000 http://aa-a-gogo.com/2006/07/22/the-currency-of-aa/#comment-403 I think the best way to deal with him is to not be his flatmate. Sorry for such an obvious answer - and I sincerely dont write this to be flip about it. The "holy" in all their forms deserve to be LEFT ALONE. I suggest even if it means a loss of moneys to make the move, that you still MAKE the move and leave that flat. I have my friends from AA and I have my friends from outside of AA. Hands down the non AAers have shown themselves to be my true friends. Even in times when I am down or even annoying, they show TRUE compassion. And they do so not for points from God, but out of friendship. Harry A STILL sober - 17 years and one month! I think the best way to deal with him is to not be his flatmate. Sorry for such an obvious answer - and I sincerely dont write this to be flip about it. The “holy” in all their forms deserve to be LEFT ALONE.

I suggest even if it means a loss of moneys to make the move, that you still MAKE the move and leave that flat.

I have my friends from AA and I have my friends from outside of AA. Hands down the non AAers have shown themselves to be my true friends. Even in times when I am down or even annoying, they show TRUE compassion. And they do so not for points from God, but out of friendship.

Harry A
STILL sober - 17 years and one month!

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