aa-a-gogo.com

well there’s been some local AA action concerning my blog this last two weeks. Some of it is gratifying to experience, other parts are annoying. And as comes as no surprise to my old time readers, the question (or demand) of “why dont you leave AA then and go back out drinking?” has resurfaced.  I addressed this very early on in the blog’s history; you can read that posting here.

But that’s isnt really a full answer as to why I wont go back out. (Or as many southbay AAers want - Just Go! - as long as I stop blogging this blog)

Best reason first: I do not desire to drink or use drugs any more.  It’s my life I miss, not the drinking and the drugs.

And the other reason is the principal of fairness. AAer’s love their slogans. There has to be at least a few dozen and maybe even as much as a hundred of these little bumper sticker sized pearls of wisdom from which AAer’s get their knowledge.  One of these is “If you dont like our program, we will gladly refund your misery”. And that is where I came up with the title of this posting.

My response to those who ask “Why dont I just go back out and drink then?” is FIRST I WANT A FULL REFUND.  And to those who actually mean “just fucking go”, my reply is PAY UP YOU INSINCERE FUCK

As was said in my ealier posting here, I had a way of life filled with notable accomplishments. Maybe it wasnt the best life nor the best plan, but it worked damn well for a long time. And let’s not forget this is a plan hatched by a 13 year old!

If you AAers want me gone, PAY UP. I want a full refund. None of this “gee too bad you lost 16 years of living using our 12 step program kid. I guess you just didnt do it right or didnt want it bad enough. Well dont let the door hit ya in the ass, good bye…..”   No thank you. That shit you can sell somewhere else. If you cant deliver on what you promised me, and you promised me ALOT, then I want EVERYTHING I HAD when I came in. 

That’s the least you could do. If you were really men of honor, you’d cough up compensation for all I lost during the 14 years [I dumped the 12 step program about 18 months ago] I gave your program my full attention and energy.

Had I simply left the rehab hospital and not joined AA or at least attended AA but stayed the fuck away from the steps, I would have lived my life using the same plan that the 13 year old created. 

That would be the plan that produced a straight A student in elementary school,  junior high and senior high. And since 8th grade, a consumer of many drugs and a lot of alcohol.  The plan that produced a scholarships receiving high school graduate who was accepted by all the universities he applied to. Did I mention I never prayed or even THOUGHT about praying to god during those years? The plan that got the kid through 5 years of college while working fulltime in 3 of those years. Less drugs, but lots more fornicating and still no god in my life at this time. The plan that kept the kid employed from age 13 to age 29 with never more than a few weeks of unemployment. The plan that got the degreed man a job that last 7 years and included a vested 401k filled with the company’s money each of those 7 years.  Yeah that plan!

The plan with the WINNING RECORD. Yes of course that plan ended with a bad case of drug addiction and alcoholism.  But the plan only ended because AAers TOLD ME IT HAD TO END. I could have, should have, would have continued with a selfwill lead life that included changes so that I kept away from drugs and alcohol. 

But the detox hospital staff, the rehab out patient center staff and the AAers ALL told me there was only one way and one way only that I would make it and that was with the 12 steps of Alcoholics anonymous.

You told me I MUST have a new way of living. I MUST forget that old way of thinking. “Stinking thinking” you called it. And I listened to what I was told. I DID what I was told. With all sincerity and earnestness I worked that program and prayed. I did service work at the group and district level. I carried the message both in and out of the rooms of AA.

However, my “12 step” years are so incomprehensibly filled with nothingness that GW’s employment history has more accomplishments than my “new freedom and new happiness” living had!

Seven out of 16 sober years unemployed. That is YEARS people! I dont recall 7 weeks of unemployment when I was not sober. Not one or two, but THREE 401k’s which had to be broken open so that I could support myself when the unemployment ran out.

Ask me how many girl friends I have had in sobriety. Go ahead ask! I’ll give ya a hint - its the same number as the number of new comer women I slept with in one night stands. Actually its the same number of fellowship women I have slept with at all, but the first way makes it sound like I might have been to bed with at least one sober woman.  Hint two: If you substract 4 from the number of DATES I HAVE BEEN ON in sobriety, you come up with the number of girl friends in sobriety I have had.

Guess how many close friends I have made during this 16 years that I can rely on and still trust today?  Two. And one’s not even in the program! He’s a normie. All the other close friends I can trust were friends I had from my childhood.  You remember those years dont you? The years without thinking of or praying to god.

ANY OTHER people (and yeah they are ALL fellowship people) I became close friends with over these last 16 years I can no longer trust as they have some time ago stopped beleiving in and trusting me.  All this group of close friends needs to hear is anything about me from any one else and they will consider it. Doesnt matter if they know me for 10 or 15 years. It doesnt matter if their experience with me is contradictory to what others are saying about me. It doesnt even matter if those who are supplying the information are practicing addicts and alcoholics! It will get considered and likely filed under “facts about harry”. 

not even among the fellowship does my sobriety and my track record count for anything.

And you want me to go quietly…………………yeah well to quote a phrase, WE THINK NOT!

Pay up and I am gone. I’ll even make it so you dont need to liquidate anything. I want to live by the beach again, like I use to when I was godless and evil. Any 1 bedroom house or apartment you own that is no more than one block away from Highland Ave in hermosa or manhattan, I want at a dollar a month rent. And I want a 10 year lease for that rate too. I also want a 2007 SUV leased to me for a dollar a month without any penalties on mileage or wear and tear when I return it. I’ll pay for the insurance and gas. I want employment in computer programming again in YOUR company. Or your parents or your inlaws company, whatever. At the average salary for this area, nothing more than that. And I will not interview for the job. You will just give it to me the same way you gave me advice on how to use god in my daily affairs - freely and with a smile.  Oh and I’ll need about 500,000 in cash too. I have some debt to clear up and some 401K’s to replace.

Yes I know, you are outraged I would write such demands. Well they arent demands. You nor anyone else has to cough this shit up. I am simply telling you, me and this blog arent going ANYWHERE until I am satisfied. And the above would satisfy me. And you are getting off easy. Stealing well over a decade of a mans life and livelihood usually costs the defendants quiet a bit more than what I want.  MANY of you in the southbay could fill this request all by yourselves. Some of you could satisfy the above without even touching any assests you yourself earned. So stop your whining. You act like I am asking for money you worked for.

Me and this blog stay here and we keep going. Powered by self will. That 13 year old was a smart little fucker - god knows where I’d be had I never left his plan for living. I really dont know why I gave up on him, but I am glad I learned my lesson. Not only is he smart, but honest and sincere too. I am happy I rediscoved him.

So you got the full refund ready for me yet? No? ok well , then see you next time in the next blog posting!

Sincerely
Harry A.
Still sober as of 7:30pm today