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It has not been lost upon me that there is a cost involved with telling, retelling and reliving past negative experiences. Doing so makes them current negative experiences. There is some wisdom in letting it go. So with my writing for this blog, in addition to getting to put my experience, strength and hope in writing, there also comes the burden of negativity.

Having to bare this burden is the main reason I do not post as often as I would like. It is definitely thé reason I have not yet posted the part of MY STORY that goes from 2001 to 2004. Those years were unfuckingbelievable years. There are many days, in fact lets say most days, that I do not want to carry that burden. Days where I feel good, Or days where maybe that aren’t so good, but I know I can make it worse by writing about not so pleasant experiences in my blog. Even the witty humorous sarcastic posts, while entertaining, are still many times based upon negative experiences.

So maybe I should forget about this blog all together? Just stop writing so I won’t have to deal with that burden.  Well yeah I have thought about that lately.  But then who will be here to tell my story? Who knows where I will be in a year or even six months from now?  Who’s going to listen to a homeless guy talking about his experiences?  No, while it sometimes is not the best thing for me to do, writing this blog is still the better thing. I should do it for the new guy, if not for me.

Someone needs to tell the truth on how AA works in TODAYS society. And so far, I am the only person I have seen tell the truth about what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now. That is, the only one who tells it without exaggerations or without the goal of elevating my standing among my fellows.

I am the only person I know who has worked all the steps, in order, practiced the principles in all my affairs, for years and decades at a time, including daily prayer, and did not have any outside beneficial influences to assist me in my re-entry into society.  Really I am the only one I know of, so far.

There are hundreds of people who fit 90 percent of the above description, but just me who fits it 100 percent. That is, again for clarity, that I have met.  Assuming I am not unique in this world or even in this country, I assume there are others this description fits. But I have not met them yet.

So the answer must be we continue to blog. I tell my story. I give my facts stated as facts. I give my conclusions, stated as conclusions. And I give my opinions, stated as my opinion.  Am I telling the truth? Yes I am. But the real question is do YOU believe I am telling the truth?  Well there is only one person in the world who can answer that question.

I will have to deal with the burden of negativity while I continue to hold up my end of this blog. I do the posting of the posts; you do the reading and commenting. Oh and if you don’t mind, help spreading the word about my blog would be appreciated. Maybe one day Oprah will catch wind of this blog. And while it isn’t a nice happy story about AA and recovery, it is a truthful story about the demise of truth and sincerity in AA.

Until the next time,
Harry A.
Still sober since 12/07/1989